leaning towards imagination when reality is stark
getting lost in fiction + IRL vibing
It’s the final month of the year and like so many people in their mid-thirties, the lines ‘can you believe it’ and ‘this year has flown by’ are leaving my mouth far often than I’d prefer and yet, here we are.
As I reflect on the books I have read this year, I notice that the majority have been non-fiction, important and heavy topics, and levity lacking. Deep-dives with Judith Butler, Naomi Klein, Lucy Osborne-Crowley, Lucy Jones, Chimene Suleyman and more. Brilliant, interesting, academic, curious people. But less fluff and romp than I think I might need and benefit from.
I have also been thinking about the joy of getting lost in something that isn’t bound up in the here and now. I’m not a 50 shades girlie (no shade, literally) but I remember it being the absolute talk of the office when it came out, how it became the chat to have when making a cuppa. I love that shared chat and oh my god can you even energy. A mixture of office life being quite different since the pandemic, booktok replacing some of the in-person chat and maybe less chatty fiction? The closest I feel is All Fours, Miranda July’s absolute belter of a fiction that came out this summer about the madness and visceral experience of perimenopause. The vibes, the caps, j’adore. And I’ve realised… I want more of that.
So this month is all about finding the characters, the worlds, the places away from here, the joy, the vibes and the chat! The in-real-life words. The excitement. The ESCAPISM. pls.
For those London town readers, do you want some vibes and chat IRL? Let me know and we can build a 2025 bookclub together.
queer love, grief + the trauma of war
The Safe Keep ~ Yael van der Wouden
Set in Amsterdam, the story of a sister to two brothers, who is living in a family home that has not been left to her. Isabel is unmarried, at a time where ownership by men is expected and encouraged, seeking solitude and rejecting partnership with a neighbour who her brothers are so keen for her to marry.
Isa is prickly, a character you are not encouraged to like, whose behaviour seems unpleasant initially. As time goes on, we see her loneliness, her fear, her repression. Louis her brother, brings a girlfriend home, Eva, who he sees a future with, and one where she sees a future in this home that Isa lives. And it’s from here the story really begins. A story of vulnerability, of desire, of hope. A love story in a time where it’s denied. Where financial freedom is impossible alone as a woman.
The books third and final act is the real gut-punch. It is Eva’s turn to tell her story, her experience of war and persecution. It’s inspired and it’s stayed with me. It’s a stunning story that feels historic and present in a very important way and still leaves you with a sense of hope and optimism, which is no easy thing to do, particularly in these times.
My book of the year, yes I said it.
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liberating motherhood, tender + radicalising
Mother State: A Political History of Motherhood ~ Helen Charman
This weighty book is worth investing your cash and time in. It’s so thoroughly researched, bringing the likes of Judith Butler and Buffy the Vampire Slayer to the fore, whilst examining the multiple ways in which mothers have collectively organised in support of broader political causes that affect the social structures within which they are raising children.
“Nurture, care, the creation of human life… have more to do with power, status and the distribution of resources, both by mothers and for them, than we like to admit.”
Travelling through key moments in time ~ second wave feminism, peace camps, the rise and fall of the welfare system ~ and reflections on her own experience of motherhood (not a mother herself, Charman unpicks this decision in a way that felt incredibly validating and all-seeing); this book is a must-read for all of us who want a better society for the mothers and parents amongst us.
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obsessional trad wifing, twisty + turny
My Husband ~ Maud Ventura (translated by Emma Ramadan)
I absolutely stormed through this book, it is so delicious and a tantalising tale of an obsessional wife. A story of control ~ personal, environmental, interpersonal ~ taken to extremes in order to keep an orderly and perfect life. The story starts with the end in mind, a red flag that the female narrator, our wife, takes us towards.
I loved the framing of this story ~ a woman besotted by her husband ~ and then their relationship, each piece unravelling to reveal what she is actually creating and orchestrating. It challenges the idea of perfect, of the role of a woman in a heterosexual relationship, of marriage and it’s meaning. And the twist at the end, blimey. A most perfect ending.
when books become too much
When things get a bit sticky in life ~ whether it’s outside or inside worlds ~ I can find reading… hard. Maybe it’s the concentration of it, the suspension of reality feels impossible and yet the harshness of the world seems unbearable. Both fiction and non-fiction feel affecting in different ways and I have to detach. So I lean quite heavily, during these times, into podcasts. The drifting in and out feels possible, it feels like you are amongst it, listening, with no expectation to keep on top of what is going on. Who cares if you miss something, it won’t affect your understanding of the plot or disrupt your understanding of reason and evidence. It’s just there, in the background, ticking on.
Here are some places to retreat in:
Origins with Cush Jumbo ~ Cush is such a gifted interviewer, has a warmth and interest and connection to everyone she speaks to which, combined with her incredible writing and acting, feels like absolute triple threat behaviour. Her episode with Kate Nash (of the moment) is really great.
The Pieces with Bimini ~ Bimini, for those less familiar, was on Drag Race UK and is such a provocative voice when it comes politics and social justice in the UK. This podcast is fun, silly and challenging perspectives and views in the best of ways. Clara Amfo’s episode is a special one.
Cuddle Club with Lou Sanders ~ Lou is funny, naughty, silly and very very generous in her warmth and this podcast is like being with the best mates. Michelle De Swartz is the absolute OG in my view of storytellers and this episode is mega.
The Adam Buxton Podcast ~ this is an oldie and goodie (if you’ve not had the pleasure of listening to Adam’s book, then please, treat yourself this Christmas time) and his live episode with the brilliant and best Tash Demetriou is one to dive into.
Dish ~ absolutely adore Nick Grimshaw, there’s something about those Northern tones that just allow me to settle in immediately. Judi Love as a guest is truly a delight for you ears.
Now You’re Asking with Marian Keyes and Tara Flynn ~ an utterly delightful agony aunt podcast with the kindest and wisest Irish authors. Totally hilarious and sentimental. I cannot recommend the live episode from Hay Festival where they discuss revenge to a school bully.
other things you might enjoy…
held is the space + community where practices, sessions and conversation will live, centred around yoga + movement, and introspection + feeling. blending embodied practice with therapeutic self-exploration, we will dive into different themes, ideas and respond to the world around us.
held is a monthly newsletter, where we dive into themes and explore practices (both movement and introspective) and where we come together and practice online together in community spaces.
i’m so excited about this little community and space in this digital world and i’d love to see you there too.
You can read more about held here.